Lotharia

by Beauty Queen Autopsy

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1.
I know every filthy little secret from your dirty little mind Every wicked thought, scenarios defined And if I don't get what I want then why am I here? Lock eyes pretty pretty there's nothing to fear And I know this is what you want And I know this is what you need And you know that I'm not afraid And it's better to give than to receive Cuz I'm good, I'm giving, I'm game Just two in a room there's no need for shame I'm good, I'm giving, I'm game And if you knew what was good for you you'd say the same You're my daily grind You're my call to port I'm your twisted muse I'm your pumping heart I've tasted your damage promise I won't tell I don't know your soul but you wear your darkness well And I know you want to eat me alive And I know I can make you plead And you know this is what I'm craving And it's better to give than to receive It's better to give than to receive x 2 Cuz I'm good, I'm giving, I'm game Just two in a room there's no need for shame I'm good, I'm giving, I'm game And if you knew what was good for you you'd say the same
2.
03:22
CHORUS Don’t say you want her Don’t say you do Don’t say you want her Don’t say you do Don’t say you want her Don’t say we’re through Don’t say you want her Don’t say you do Shut your mouth and give me my medicine Please don’t stop I’ll be your model citizen Oh my god Baby what you do to me Cross my heart You’re going in my diary Watch your tongue Cuz I’m still shaking Watch my hips I know you do Don't apologize I'm not complaining I'm the girl for you But don't say you want her Don’t say you do Don’t say you want her Don’t say you do Don’t say you want her Don’t say we’re through Don’t say you want her Don’t say you do Don’t look down when you’re talking to me Look me in the eyes as a courtesy Don’t look down when you’re talking to me I know her name Watch your tongue Cuz I’m still shaking Read my lips Did you think this through? Watch your tongue Cuz I'm not waiting Don’t say it’s true Don’t say you want her Don’t say you do Don’t say you want her Don’t say you do Don’t say you want her Don’t say we’re through Don’t say you love her Don’t say you do You left me staring at a painting in a motel room Staring at a painting in a motel room Staring at a painting in a motel room Don’t say it’s true
3.
you're a dying light my shadow's chasing you're a part of me that I can't replace and I tried but it's not that easy I've never been one to just let things go and all my thoughts are contaminated by you by you why you? and you deserve the worst of my but why do I do all this for you? you deserve the worst of me but how can I stand by and watch you leave? all these dirty thoughts going through my head all these dirty thoughts of what we did and said these dirty thoughts as I'm in my bed oh baby you contaminate me you're my phantom limb and you're still underneath my skin you're my phantom limb oh baby how you contaminate me all these dirty thoughts going through my head all these dirty thoughts of what we did and said these dirty thoughts as I'm in my bed oh baby you contaminate me all these dirty thoughts all these dirty thoughts all these dirty thoughts all these dirty thoughts please come and save me and all my thoughts are contaminated by you why you why you you deserve the worst of me but how can I stand by and watch you leave?
4.
Dorothy Parker Had Days Like This   I’m crying my eyes out in a dark parking lot Locked in my chamber with the windows up It’s all too much and I can’t make it stop It just keeps coming I’ve tried to drink, drug, and fuck you away And the razor blade helps control the pain I know it’s not right but it’s still a way But it still keeps coming   It keeps coming It keeps coming, oh god It just keeps coming It keeps coming It’s a tsunami, why don’t you want me? How can you pretend I don’t exist? It’s a tsunami, why don’t you want me? Dorothy Parker had days like this   I’m crying my eyes out in a dark parking lot The flood waters rising, stomach in knots Every fiber and every thought It just keeps coming You said it’s not you it’s me, well obviously And I want to be strong, you and what army But the pit keeps hollowing inside of me And it just keeps coming   It’s a tsunami, why don’t you want me? How can you pretend I don’t exist? It’s a tsunami, you’ll always haunt me Dorothy Parker had days like this   I don’t know what I did And I don’t know what changed All I know is I can’t stop the pain And I don’t know what I did I don’t know what changed All I know is I’ll never be the same again I tried with a bottle in front of me Now I'm ready for a frontal lobotomy   It just keeps coming…
5.
You look so good to me x 3 You'd be so good to me CHORUS I want you to be my birthday pony I want you to be my spider ring I want you to be my favorite sundae I want you to be my everything You look so good to me x 2 You'd be so good for me x 2 I want you to be my birthday pony I want you to be my spider ring I want you to be my favorite sundae I want you to be my everything It's not so complicated for us x 3 It's not so complicated in lust CHORUS x 3, but in the last line of the last chorus: I want to be your anything
6.
03:33
METHADONE I’m through with this methadone It won’t do I’d rather be alone I tried you out but you weren’t enough You’re just a poor substitute for the one I love Desperate times call for desperate pleasures But baby this hole still grows And they say it’ll soon get better But what the hell do they ever know? And it’s hard/to fall When you know/it’s your fault But I’ll rise/and stand tall I just gotta get through with this withdrawal I’m done with this methadone It won’t work I’d rather be alone Don’t make me laugh you were never the one You could never replace the one I want And I wish I could say it wasn’t me I wish there was a way I could pretend But I know I did wrong so I’ll beg and plead Please come back to me, my heroin. And it’s hard/to fall When you know/it’s your fault But I’ll rise/and stand tall I just gotta get through all your withdrawal I’m done with this methadone It won’t work I’d rather be alone I tried you out but you weren’t enough You’ll never compare to the one I love
7.
03:36
I'm the one x 8 I'm the one that you can't resist the abbreviated name on your contact list I'm the one that you can't deny the ghost in your head when she's by your side I'm the one that you'll never keep the one you're begging for yeah in your sleep Cuz I'm the one that knows your pain Gimme four on the floor and I'll take it away Writhing in ecstacy x8 I'm the one x 8 I'm your new religion baby I'm your twist of fate I'll leave my mark inside you baby You'll never forget my face No you'll never No you'll never No you'll never forget my face No you'll never No you'll never No you'll never forget my face I'm the one x 3 One and done and I've had my fun I'm the one x 3 One and done and I've had my fun No you'll never No you'll never No you'll never forget my face No you'll never No you'll never No you'll never forget your place
8.
03:24
Tonight I’m breathing fire Tonight I’m a Molotov Tonight I’m burning brightest Tonight I’m a cannonball And I’m dressed to the nines And it’s way past ten And you look really good But what happens next well that depends Cuz your approval don’t mean much to my self esteem And these fuck me pumps don’t come guaranteed Play your cards right and then we’ll see Cuz these fuck me pumps don’t come guaranteed I don’t need you to come I'm just here to have me fun But I’m glad I’ve got your attention Cuz I’m a rocket queen when all’s said and done And if you get a pass you’ll ride for free But these fuck me pumps don’t come guaranteed Play your cards right and then we’ll see Cuz these fuck me pumps don’t come guaranteed Let’s have one for the road One for the road They made last call, the lights are up So it’s time to get stoned Let’s have one for the road One for the road The bar may be closed but the night’s not over So I think you should know Tonight I’m breathing fire Tonight I’m a Molotov Tonight I’m supernova Tonight I want it all
9.
  I collect broken hearts and yours is no exception dissect the parts and marvel at the selection no visible scars but the pain will be explicit I'll leave you raw but my stitching is exquisite   It's not fair I don't care know this I am the taxidermist   It's not right that's life don't resist I am the taxidermist   I collect damaged hearts trophies for my mantle pull you apart to see what you can handle and I know it's sick when there's been no provocation it's just my defense my nature's self preservation   Given the chance you'd do the same to me Given the chance you'd do the same to me Given the chance you'd do the same to me At least that's what I've learned from my history   It's not fair I don't care know this I am the taxidermist   It's not right that's life don't resist I am the taxidermist   I collect broken hearts and yours is no exception dissect the parts and marvel at the selection no visible scars but the pain will be explicit I'll leave you raw but my stitching is exquisite   My stitching is exquisite
10.
04:34
I won't apologize for my desire and I won't pretend that I feel shame for what transpired or that I won't do it again what did she say? what did he say? what did they say? what do we say? what did she say? what did he say? what did they say? what do we say? what did she say? what did he say? what did they say? what do we say? I feel no shame, cuz every moment was so sacred every moment I was naked this is not what I call love this is not what I call love every moment was so sacred every moment I was naked this is not what I call love this is not what I call love I'm sick of all this high school bullshit these silly, petty, childish games I'm fed up with this idle gossip We're grown ups now doing grown up things every moment was so sacred every moment I was naked this is not what I call love this is not what I call love every moment was so sacred every moment I was naked this is not what I call love this is not what I call love You say you only live once but I died a thousand times in you in you in you in you every moment was so sacred every moment I was naked this is not what I call love this is not what I call love every moment was so sacred every moment I was naked this is not what I call love this is not what I call love what did she say? what did he say? what did they say? what do we say? what did she say? what did he say? ...Oh fuck it.
11.
we libertines we live your dreams we throw them in the hamper I wanna know what turns you on we libertines cop benzedrines lose our mind howling like Ginsberg I wanna know what turns you on trace my name on your back sometimes I don't hear words when you're speaking I wanna know what turns you on you wanna dish it out I can take it one word and then you'll see I wanna know what gets you off what makes you tick what turns you? what makes you tick what turns you? what makes you tick what turns you on? what makes you tick what turns you? what makes you tick what turns you? what makes you tick what turns you on? we flow like wine we libertines we're serpentine our trysts play in the shadows I wanna know what turns you on we libertines we live extremes our crimes beg for the gallows I wanna know what turns you on what makes you tick what turns you? what makes you tick what turns you? what makes you tick what turns you on? what makes you tick what turns you? what makes you tick what turns you? what makes you tick what turns you on? we flow like we flow like we flow like wine we flow like we flow like we flow like wine what turns you on? what turns you on? what turns you what turns you what turns you on? what turns you what turns you what turns you on? what turns you what turns you what turns you on? we libertines, we libertines I wanna know what turns you on we libertines, we libertines I wanna know what turns you on
12.
You strode naked to the bathroom in all your middle aged glory, entirely more proud of yourself than the act warranted. You turned the shower on, humming some delicate song that I’d never heard before. I wrapped the top sheet, which smelled faintly of lavender, and scanned your bedroom. I wandered over and looked in your wife’s closet, predictably frightening. A fashion nightmare. Immediately I understood every disinterested moment of your lives together. She had a jewelry tree on her dresser—of course she did—and as I opened the top drawer and rifled through her not-so-delicates I came upon her engagement ring. It was plain but heartfelt, reminiscent of youth in love in a time you wouldn’t have even contemplated this kid-wife crisis that left you in a bar hopelessly trying to fit in and mispronouncing 20 year aged Scotch to a bartender half your age. But there was something awkwardly adorable about it, and I liked your eyes, so I chose you for my early evening fun. I put your wife’s ring on and dropped the sheet, taking a selfie with my phone mimicking the look of rapturous surprise she must have had when you first proposed all those years ago. I sent it to you a week later, after the thrill of your conquest had worn off and the fear of being discovered by your family has subsided, to remind you who the wolf truly was. The water turned off. I placed the ring back into the drawer of stretched, beige panties and returned to the bed, pausing only for a moment to look at a picture of you stuffed rather uncomfortably into a NASCAR number giving a hearty thumbs up, undoubtedly a birthday gift to show you’re still young at heart. And you are. Desperately. I returned to the bed to play the anxiously awaiting maiden, one soft, bare leg over the sheet to let you know what you left behind. You stepped out of the bathroom and smiled, sucking in your gut under your bathrobe. I smiled back, and rose for my turn in the bathroom sans sheet, passing you and dragging a finger along your chest on the way. The late day sun was shining through the window silhouetting my form, my curves, elegantly. I knew you were watching. I heard you pick up your watch to make sure there was still time to enjoy this, to let the fantasy continue. To remember this. And remember it you always, always will, just like I’ll always remember the look on your face as I used your wife’s toothbrush to wash…you…out…of…my…mouth. You made a quiet protest, but thou did not protesteth too much, as I know the anger at the slight…my disrespect…passed quickly, and turned into a thrill for you. And most importantly I knew that when you recounted this story for years to come to your work cohorts, your confidants, your gym buddies, that you will revel and relish this twisted little part of the story more than any other. I just gave you the icing on your…cake.

credits

released June 30, 2015

Music/Lyrics: Matt Fanale
Vocals: Erica Mulkey
Mixed by Tom Shear
Mastered by Eric Oehler
Cover photo by MJ Mont-Reynaud of BreathlessExposure.com

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Beauty Queen Autopsy San Francisco, California

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